The last time I fired a gun I was 9 years old. It was a small 22 caliber rifle and I was taking the test for my Hunters Safety class. I never actually went hunting. I’ve never killed bambi. I’ve never packed heat. I’m not strapped. It’s probably for the best. I don’t like loud noises and my shoulders are not capable of absorbing the kick of a real gun. I did, however, seriously contemplate the option of carrying a firearm on our trip to South America. In the end I decided it was a bad idea. But a friend mentioned the idea of carrying non-lethal Stun Guns and pepper spray so that we would have some option for self-defense.
As I investigated different guns, the idea gained appeal. They are small, easy to use, non-lethal, and mostly legal. I started researching and found that most stun guns pack between 300-800 thousand volts and will quickly turn an assailant away. A couple places sold stun guns up to 2 million volts, which would go through multiple layers of clothing and stop anything coming at you. I wasn’t sold. If somebody was after Stevie, I want maximum consequences dispensed. I kept searching and finally I found what I was looking for, PHAZZERS! I immediately bought 3 of them. Each gun releases 3 MILLION VOLTS and will knock a person out for 45 minutes, during which time they pee and poop their pants (as advertised in the device user manual).
I also purchased 6 cans of Triple Action Mace. Triple Action is insanely powerful. It is a special combination of pepper spray, tear gas, and UV Dye. I have one can for each car door, one for the main cabin, one for Stevie’s purse, one mini-can for the key chain, and one extra because 6 sounded like a good even number.
Do we feel safer? Yes, actually we do. We’re not looking for trouble. We really believe in our good karma and we both have an amazing feeling about this trip. But I have to admit that it is nice to have a little backup. Plus now I can finally get my moneys worth out of that Hunters Safety Class. Bang Bang. TREE