Tope Mafia – The Largest Criminal Enterprise In Mexico

The tope, which is what they call a speed bump in Mexico, was introduced by the government in an effort to control a culture hell-bent on driving 100 mph regardless of traffic or terrain. I believe that when the tope arrived in Mexico, the instructions for installation were hijacked by evil doers. Nothing about the Mexican tope resembles its northern neighbor. The Mexican tope, for instance, is generally 4-5 times larger and shoots up at an aggressive angle between 75-90 degrees. They greet a vehicle with blunt force, regardless of the approach speed. They are placed in groups of 10 to 15 in very close proximity. It’s not uncommon to have another 5-10 “baby topes” preceding the main pack. In the North, speed bumps are placed in front of schools, churches, and libraries. But in Mexico topes are placed just about everywhere. These data points have me asking a lot of questions… 

I think it’s time to expose the real money behind the enterprise running the tope trade. I call on the Mexican government to immediately open a special commission to investigate all parties who are profiting from the mass construction of these deadly hazards. I would start with the small tire shops located on all the street corners. These guys are pushing rubber tires as fast as the topes explode them and making serious coin in the process. I’d also investigate the tope labor union. When you consider the number of tope technicians required to lay the billions of topes in Mexico, you’ll quickly surmise that this is one powerful lobby group and they have an agenda. Ultimately the government will need to turn the spotlight on the Mexican Dental Association. This dark force may well be the nucleus of the tope mafia. I’ve only been driving in Mexico for 3 months and topes have already rattled several of my fillings loose. Do the math people. These dentists are dangerous and they must be brought down. TREE 
Warning: All my research and surveillance of the tope mafia has been electronically copied and is stored in a safety deposit box in an undisclosed location. In the event that anything should “accidentally happen” to me, all contents will be released to news organizations around the world.
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Intimidation tactics are common with the tope mafia.  The use of signs depicting topes as big as your vehicle are common…


The infamous “baby topes” are usually the only warning that a pack of predator topes lurks ahead…

The tope mafia has been know to plant “tope traps” using random materials to disguise the appearance. This is proof of how diabolical they are..

Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    FUN.NY!!!
    . . . But think how FAST those Mexican drivers would be shooting by if there WEREN'T any topes! (Or maybe ramming INTO your lovely Sprinter!)
    THOSE GUYS ARE NUTS!
    With Topes – you may end up toothless – but you'll be alive.

  2. On the other hand, let's hope the Mafia doesn't read this blog . . . it IS secured, isn't Tree?

  3. And here in the states we have the Interlok mafia…slowly getting the laws changed so that every state will require first time dui offenders to install… paying monthly… oh government contracts and the paper trails. You said it! The largest *mafias* will always be in bed with the governmemt

  4. Oh my god, that is funny. We just got through honduras but still have memories of those topes in mexico! you guys have a great blog.

  5. That was funny. Maybe you should consider joining the Tope. With your established distribution system, complete North American domination is possible.

  6. Okay, what are you guys smoking? The truth!

  7. Tree I wish that you would record these. You know that I don't read so good. I still laughed at loud. I'm glad that you feel and understand my evil speed bum hatred.
    You will clinch your teeth less, there for loose less filling if you have: Obi, Loyd Banks, and NFL radio and dragon rolled…
    dragon

  8. Dear Sir, I have been hired to represent the TOPE Mafia Organization of Mexico (TMOM) . As its representative I am hereby demanding that you remove the hereby references article ( Tope Mafia) you have written about our fabulous TOPE Operation. We find it highly offensive, misleading and without merit. Please be advised that our organization is providing millions of pesos to the tire, shock, springs and brake parts manufactures throughout the country. It is our purpose to provide the utmost in research and development in the effective height, angle and none existence advance warning systems to encourage drivers to use our Topes to the fullest possible extent. Thanks in advance for your cooperation. Once we see that this article has been rescinded with a full public apology, we will deposit $1,000,000.00 USD in your bank account as a kick back. Kind Regards
    Barrista

  9. Just wait until you get to India!

    There are more “speed breakers” than in Mexico and they are NEVER marked by any sort of warning signs or paint. The entire country thinks that 60km/h (35mph) is “speeding”.

    One good reason why no sane foreigner drives at night in India. We did a few times and saw many accidents at the outskirts of towns where the speedbreakers either broke suspensions or forced people to run off the road or into each other.

  10. Tree,
    What an ingenious, self serving conspiracy. Damn dentists!!

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