I’m afraid to know where this post will wind up in the search engines. Probably somewhere between Viagra and gay porn.
But, I couldn’t help myself. Sometimes kids just say the darndest things…to their grandma.
So here’s what happened:
Sol went pee and then jumped off the toilet and ran away, so I chased after her saying that she had to wipe. Tree overheard me, and took this as a golden opportunity to say his favorite Spanish word over and over again: “Va-hee-na! va-hee-na! Te tienes que secar la va-hee-naaaa!” (Editor’s note: it’s actually spelled ‘vagina,’ just like in English, but pronounced vaheena.)
Now, Sol doesn’t like to be told what to do with her vaheena by someone who doesn’t even have a vaheena.
“No Dada! You no have a vaheena. You have a penis!”
If it ended here, I probably wouldn’t be sharing this post, since this kind of episode plays out almost daily at our house. What made it all “next level” was Noni here visiting.
After setting her dad straight on the limits of power vested in his anatomy, Sol waltzed into the kitchen and asked:
“Yes, my little one?”
“Do you like penis?”
Yup, that happened. Soleil asked GRANDMA if she likes penis. OH. MY. GOD.
I could tell Noni was torn. At this point, I really wanted to help her out but, honestly, I didn’t know what to say. Should we tell Soleil the truth? Yeah, kid, how do you think you got here? Or should we lie? Heaven’s no! Noni has never and WOULD NEVER like penis in her pure and saintly life!
Fortunately Soleil jumped in with her response before Noni or I–or god forbid Tree–had a chance to reply.
“I don’t like penis, Noni. I like va-heeeeee-na.”
“Well, that’s good dear,” said Noni.
“And let’s keep it that way!” yelled Tree.
Ahhh, good times.
Anyhow, onto other subjects. What could I possibly tell you of interest after all that?
Oh, I know. I SENT THE MOTHERSHIP!! It’s “the classic” 11b route at Area 51 by Mt. Hood. And it was my very first time ever leading 11b. I’m not going to lie, I was a little scared because I don’t have a lot of practice leading, but that’s my new objective this summer: lead, lead, lead.
Unfortunately I don’t have a picture of sending Mothership since Tree was obviously belaying me at the time, so we took this after-shot instead.
What’s more impressive? My big guns or Mt. Hood?
Here’s a shot of Tree firing up Death Star, 12c, Area 51 (don’t worry, folks, Walter was belaying, I was on kid duty. The climb to the right of him is the fabulous Mothership.
Wonder Wren and Super Sol, best of buddies!
Not that Noni ever needs a reason to come visit, but this time she came with a very important mission to accomplish: Get Soleil through her first 3 day 2 night stretch ever without mom and dad.
Tree and I had a conference to attend in Park City, Utah, so Noni arrived a week early with a car FULL of toys. Clearly not her first rodeo. Within five minutes of arrival, the RV was filled with little pink plastic shit that hurts to step on and will kill a slide-out in 2 seconds flat (read: I hate little pink plastic shit). But Noni always packs out what she packs in, so I’ve learned to oblige her and Soleil. Those two just have too much fun together.
Because of our lifestyle, Sol and Tree and I rarely spend time apart. In fact, I’ve never spent more than a few hours away from Sol since the day she was born, and sometimes she freaks out if I even step out of her sight. It’s gotten so bad at times that we’ve taught her to practice a little mantra to reassure herself: “I don’t have to cry, mommy and daddy always come back.”
As it turned out, only a few tears were shed, all by me during the flight home. The Captain’s voice crackled over the loud speaker and said a “warning light” had come on, which to any reasonable person means “you are about to die and your child will grow up scarred and abandoned.” Tree did his best to console me, probably because the other passengers don’t like it when someone is crying kind of loud and saying things like, “this is what happens before the plane crashes.”
Truthfully, I kind of knew that I would be the weakest link in this experiment. Seriously, I got it bad for my kid. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I miss her so much I have to get up just to smell her sweaty little head and give her another kiss.
Sol, on the other hand, didn’t cry at all, which really surprised me, until I saw this:
Noni’s plan included eating popsicles, making forts, playing with puppets, watching Caillou, drawing, play-doh, balloons!
They even got a pedicure.
I don’t think she missed us much at all.
Hmmmm, what do you think?
We’re out of Hood River now and heading north to Canada where we’ll be spending the summer in Squamish.
Before we left, Walter swung by and gave us the best going-away present ever: a portable hang board to do climbing workouts on the road. So rad! He even included some anchors for me to practice clipping and cleaning. Watch out climbing world! I’m hanging with the big boys!
Thank you, Walter!!!
Lastly, here’s a picture of the biggest dandelion I have ever seen.
I wish you all a great weekend……